This is going to be a dumb whiny post about how I’ve been feeling, so I would suggest you keep scrolling if you’re reading this. Unless you like reading posts like this, which in that case you probably are either a mean person for enjoying people in pain or a caring person who doesn’t like seeing people in pain and wants to help. To each their own I suppose. I just need to vent, and I don’t want to burden my friends with my troubles.
I’ve been having a terrible December. It’s just been too much emotional stuff. The real main thing that’s been the issue is that my boyfriend and I have been having issues for the first time. I guess I can understand we were due for it since we’ve been dating for a year and three months without a single issue, but it still sucks. I’ve been telling him what to do too much. He’s been really distant. It’s hurting my feelings a lot. I feel like he doesn’t care if I’m with him or if I’m not. I called for a break from him for a while, and I’m thinking that’s a bad idea. It’s just making me feel depressed, and it’s almost Christmas. I don’t think there’s been a time since yesterday that tears weren’t running down my face. Maybe it’ll be good for him though. Maybe he’ll miss me and start fighting to keep our relationship afloat like I’ve been, or maybe he won’t and things will end. I’d rather be in either of scenarios those instead of this limbo shit. I just want to get it over with. But for now, I’ll just have to wait.
There’s a quote from Oscar Wilde that says “Don’t love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.” I keep thinking about it because that’s how I feel with him now. Just ordinary, and disposable.